The Radical Rebellion of Not Being a Jerk
"Even if the whole universe is nothing but a bunch of jerks doing all kinds of jerk-type things, there is still liberation in simply not being a jerk."
— Zen Master Dogen (translated by Brad Warner)
It seems like there are more jerks than ever these days.
From the top down, cruelty, corruption, and general jerkitude have become the default operating system of the world.
And yet, you see the damage this causes.
Anger only fuels more anger.
Some people tear everything down but never build anything better.
A world run by jerks becomes more miserable for everyone.
It’s easy to feel disheartened. It’s easy to let despair take root.
And yet, one of the simplest, most powerful acts of rebellion you have is to resist your worst impulses.
In a world full of jerks, simply not being a jerk is its own revolution.
The True Meaning of “Not Being a Jerk”
It’s easy to confuse kindness with passivity.
It’s easy to get lost in platitudes and Pollyanna-style thinking. Some people believe that being "nice" means looking the other way, keeping quiet, or avoiding conflict.
But that’s not what this is about.
What Dogen is really making the case for is Ethics — a concise, intentional way of navigating the world, both in how you treat others and in how you manage your own internal state.
Because your actions and your inner world are not separate.
The way you act is always a reflection of your inner state.
The way you act also shapes your inner state.
When people act in cruel or selfish ways, their minds are already filled with anger, fear, and delusion.
But what we often forget is that the opposite is also true.
When you choose integrity over impulse, generosity over selfishness, and wisdom over reactivity, you shape your mind in the process.
This is the foundation of a virtuous cycle.
It transforms you from the inside and ripples outward into the world.
Start Small, But Think Big
This practice can begin with the most mundane of things:
Letting someone merge into your lane in the middle of a traffic jam.
Returning the shopping cart to the rack instead of leaving it in the parking lot.
Resisting the urge to gossip with your coworkers about “that one” person in the office.
On their own, these might seem like trivial behaviors. But when done consistently and with intention, these small acts begin to reprogram the way you think and the way you move through the world.
Each time you choose the path of the “non-jerk,” you’re turning your attention away from your own ego. This simple redirection starts to soften the mind. It creates a spaciousness where the usual stresses and anxieties lose their grip.
With every small, intentional act, you are quietly laying the foundation for something much larger.
Over time, this practice builds the resilience and clarity you’ll need to face the bigger challenges in life when integrity and strength matter most.
When the World Feels Hopeless, You Become the Beacon
There are moments when everything seems like it’s spiraling into jerk-fueled chaos.
And I want to be completely clear about something:
Much of what’s happening in the world right now goes far beyond just “jerk behavior.”
Some of it is dangerous, and some of it causes real suffering.
Knowing this, there is a place for righteous anger. And there is a place for decisive action.
But there’s a difference between taking action and getting consumed.
Are you channeling your appropriate outrage into something meaningful?
Or are you just feeding your own fire? Are you getting lost in cycles of despair, doomscrolling, or empty venting?
This is where mindfulness becomes the key.
In every moment, you have a choice:
Do you react with more anger and add to the fire?
Do you turn away and let things continue unchecked?
Or do you show up with strength and ethics, without being consumed by the negativity around you?
And this isn’t just about “doing good” for others.
It’s about creating an inner foundation of steadiness and clarity so that you can engage fully without losing yourself.
When you train yourself through mindfulness, self-reflection, and intentional action, you build the ability to stand firm in the world without being swept away by it.
When There Is Nothing You Can Do
You don’t have to fight every battle.
Some problems are too vast to fix alone. When that’s the case, turn your attention to what you can control. Take care of your body. Steady your mind. Support the people around you.
Remember, your inner jerk is at its strongest when exhaustion or anger is all you have left.
Taking care of yourself is not retreating. It is how you keep yourself ready for the bigger journey.
Even the smallest acts help lay the foundation for transforming both your inner world and the world around you.
Start Today
The path of the non-jerk isn’t easy.
Human beings evolved to react. To protect themselves. To serve their own interests.
But you also have the ability to choose.
Every moment of intention is an opportunity to train yourself in a better way.
No matter what’s happening in the world, no matter how many jerks are running the show, you always have control over your own actions.
And the more you act with integrity, the better the world becomes—not just for others, but for you as well.
It’s not an easy path.
But it’s the right one.
I invite you to walk it with me.
~ Rob
P.S. – If you ever need support, whether it’s someone to talk to or guidance on practice, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
I’m always happy to chat via email or a free call.
And if you’re looking for deep, customized support in building a practice that fits your life, I currently have space for just one more private student. If that’s you, let’s talk.
